O8-01-06 ____________________________________

Der Jakcm,
i am from the future and i have a time machin.
if u could change somethin in the past what wuld it be??

futurepants


XOXO


Dear Futurepants,

If I could change anything? The War of Northern
Agression. I mean, it was really cool and all,
but it could have gotten higher numbers in the polls
with a few minor changes.

First, it needs more explosions, more dinosaurs,
and I think the North should have been led by an
Evil Washington-Zombie and the South should have
been led jointly by Mothra and Charo.

Thanks for the letter!

Jack "Parachute" M


_________________________________


Dear Jack M,

My son wants to spend the night at his friend's
house. I don't think it's safe but my wife says
I'm paranoid. Should I let him go for just one
night?

Clueless in the Culdesac



XOXO


Dear Culdesac,

No. If you let him go to someone else's home, he
may get used to the easy life-style of his amigo.
His friend's parents might also turn him against
you with promises of candy, liquor, and fewer late
-night locker inspections. They may also notice
the bruises your child got while walking into the
door repeatedly and get the wrong idea about what
goes on in your own home. Teach your son an
important lesson in life, and show him that he
doesn't deserve to ask for things.

Thanks for the letter!

Jack "Lackhammer" M



_________________________________


Dear Jack M,

What is your favorite Vegetarian dish?

Vegan Victor


XOXO


Dear Lifestyle-Nazi,

I don't know why vegetarians don't just go out in
the woods right now, lay down, and wait to be eaten
by a Tyranosaur, because that is what is going to
happen to them anyway, if they don't eat meat.
Animals are food, not friends.

Thanks for the letter.

Jack "Energetic" M


_________________________________



Dear Jack M,

What is Japan like?

Kimiko-chan_the_Otaku33


XOXO


Dear Kimiko-chan,

Anime is everywhere. Everyone wears cosplay, all
the time. They have caffeine-flavoured sushi and
for about $3 more, nude, genetically engineered
catgirls will feed it to you. I couldn't get laid
even once because the Japanese are only interested
in greasy, long haired Otaku who stumble over a
basic introduction. In fact the Japanese birthrate
has dropped to like 20 kids a year because they
refuse to mate with anyone who can't rave for hours
about their favourite anime show and why it's
better than anyone else's favourite show.

You should abandon your life and move to Japan.
You will not be disappointed even in the slightest
bit, I promise.

Thanks for the letter and don't ever stop dreaming!

Jack "BoneCrusher" M



_________________________________


Dear Jack M,

What is curry made of?

Culinarily Curious


XOXO

Dear Curious,

People. Curry is people.

Thanks for the letter!

Jack "Vice-President, my ass" M


_________________________________


Dear Jack M,

What should I do to make my site more accessible?

Master of Webmasters


XOXO


Dear Webmaster,

1) Take down the music. 2) Take down the photos of
you with straws in your nose. Ain't no one want to
see that. 3) You need a big media stunt in the
real world, something that frightens people who
don't use computers, into using them. 4) You then
have to channel that traffic to your site.

Thanks for the e-mail, Scumbag!

Jack "Head for the Hills" M


_________________________________


Dear Jack M,

how r u?

anonimus


XOXO


Dear Anonimus,

Better than you.

Thanks for asking, though.

Jack "Unacceptable" M


_________________________________


Dear Jack M,

are you going to my party??

anonimus


XOXO

Dear Anonimus,

No.

Jack "Metal" M



_________________________________


Dear Jack M,

when chain to a wall over millions of
zombies......do you... a)yall for help? b(get
yourself free with no sounds made. or C(give up
cause you are not far over their heads and the
already ate your legs and are crawling up the rest
of you

Anonimus


XOXO


Dear Anonimus,

So far, I've been fortunate to avoid that
situation, but if I were in it... Probably B. But
I'd like to think I could D) Drop to the floor and
take them all on at the same time.

Thanks for the Question,

Jack "44544" M


_________________________________


Dear Jack M,

if johnny depp ran for president as democat and his
VP is that miget from auston powers; Bradd pitt ran
as repulbican with a goat; and the independent is
that guy that no one knows but ate a booger one
time ran for president, who wuld you vote for? The
booger guy doesn't have a vicepresident because he
ate him too.

Anonimus


XOXO


Dear Anonimus,

m... Hard choice. When in doubt, vote straight
party.

Jack "I should have listened to my grandad" M



_________________________________


Dear Jack M,

My g/f and I get a long great, but I know she still
has friends and that pisses me off. Even worse,
some of them are guys. Should I let my girlfriend
keep her friends?

Loving B/F


XOXO


Dear Loving,

You could let her keep her friends, but if she
means anything to you at all, you should not. You
are in a relationship and all relationships are
temporary. If you let her keep her friends, she
will have someone to go back to when you breakup.
Any guy friends you don't scare off will score her
away from you on the rebound, until they ruin that
relationship also. By cutting off her ties to the
world outside of you, you can at least prolong the
inevitable.

Thanks for trusting me!

Jack "Bleedicus" M